By Jennifer Lyall JLon Tuesday, December 04 th, 2012 no Comments
Are Your Addictions Holding YOU Back?
I have an addiction that’s been in my face for many years. I have periods where I’m able to successfully able to give it up, but when I get a taste of it, I go on a binge for several days. I tell myself things like, well, other spiritual people indulge in this… and they have talents that I don’t… so it’s o.k. for me to do this.
Then I wake up in the morning, being nudged, literally by my cat to do my morning routine, but I feel so numbed by this substance that I just want to pull the blankets over my head and sleep until noon, which is pretty much what I did on Sunday.
I’ve never been tempted by cigarettes.. o.k. that’s not true, I think there’s been one or two moments in my life where I’ve contemplated trying to smoke, but then that moment passed, and I didn’t have to go through choking fits.
I’ve never done drugs… it simply hasn’t interested me. Period.
I gave up drinking about a year ago. Had a few sips of a mimosa at Awesomeness Fest, and felt so ill afterwards, that I don’t think I’ll try another drop, ever.
I don’t drink coffee… I’ve never enjoyed coffee.
My addiction is something that is much more accepted by society and it’s as addictive as cocaine. It’s even promoted heavily in our culture, but it still doesn’t make it right. I confess, I’m a sugar addict.
I have the worse crashes when I combine sugar with gluten. One bite or nibble is o.k. It’s when I have 3 or 4 cookies, or 2 or 3 slices of cake that really does me in. I’m best not to taste it at all, because when I do, something inside of me makes me think that I enjoy that taste and feeling of the sugar rush much more than I really do. Just one taste leads to two, which leads to three or 4 and then me sneaking off and indulging in a treat when no one is looking.
My brain feels foggy when I consume sugar. Like a wet blanket over top of me. I feel robbed of energy.. and it’s all my own doing.
I noticed in the last year that I use sugar as an escape route when I’m scared or when I’m mad. It dulls the pain, I suppose, and is an excuse from moving forward. If I eat sugar when I’m mad, I’m the only one that suffers… I guess the person whom I mad at does as well, because I get cranky….I’ve seen myself turn into a sugar monster, with a hair trigger reflex and any little thing can set me off. It’s not pretty.
When I eat sugar, it lowers my vibration and I don’t feel the guidance the way I do when I’m a living expression of my practice. It’s my excuse to hide from being big in the world. That’s why Mastin Kipp of the Daily Love’s article “Are you using addiction to escape your calling” really hit home. Yep, I can see how I’ve been doing that!
There are so many reasons why I’ve given in to sugar…. anger, fear, thinking that something is going to taste really good and it doesn’t, peer pressure- that’s right people whom I respect who say- why don’t you indulge? You’re on this path for pleasure and joy not to make you do without….and I get that, but there are other things to consider too. What’s more important indulging in the sweetness in that moment or avoiding that sugar hangover and having to bring my body back up from that afterwards.
So, coming off of this sugar crash, I’m forgiving myself, letting go of that experience, understanding it is just a contrast for me to feel the difference in who I’m being in these situations, and recommitting to honouring my body.
What are you addicted to? Are you letting this stop you from being big in the world?